Sixty years of summer
by otahotian
Summary: Genma always seemed to regard the world with quiet confidence, strange kind of amusement in the twist of his lips. Like there was nothing that could surprise him and in the end everything will make sense. Raido really wanted to disrupt that cool at least once in their lives, mostly because it was Genma's fault his own live have been turned ninety degrees off its axis.
1. Chapter 1

**Did you know it's scientifically impossible to just work on one thing instead of jumping from ship to ship..? Me neither.**

**TW: bad grasp of the original lore**

hint NR1: [Raido's a tokubetsu, fire based; Genma's an ANBU, poison master]

* * *

From the first moment after waking up, Raido knew this was going to be a difficult day.

At first he couldn't even pinpoint what woke him up, but then he heard the quiet knocking again, someone tapping a knuckle against his window. One look told him that it was half past four, two hours earlier than he would normally bother to wake up.

With a sigh Raido hauled himself up, wrapping a blanket around himself, because it looked like it was pretty damn cold outside. And also because he slept naked when he wasn't on a mission. Sue him, if anyone sneaked in it was their own fault if they got an eyeful.

He crossed the room and opened the window, still blinking sleep out of his eyes when a scroll got thrust into his face. A mission, then. The ANBU delivering his orders was long gone by the time Raido got his bearings and so he shut the window, belatedly shivering at the frosty air from outside. Fuck, it was that wet kind of winter where the temperature might not get very far beneath zero, but the moisture got under everyone's clothes and chilled them to the bones. And he was supposed to go on a mission in that.

For now Raido only read the time of his summons - in an hour by East gate - and then tossed the scroll away in favour of making himself strong ginger tea. Gross as many of his friends found it, it would warm him up pretty easily.

A simple find and destroy mission, he even got to go with a team for it, Raido figured out, huddled by his coffee table with the scroll in one hand and his tea in the other. Under Ibiki's command, he was sure they'll be done in no time. It seemed they will have to go through enemy territory, though, so that might make those three planned nights a bit unpleasant. Well, he wasn't that bothered by cold if he was expecting it. The feeling of something bad about to happen refused to leave, though, so he braced himself for more surprises to come.

* * *

Forty minutes later he was warmed up, packed and striding down to meet the rest of his team. The fog setting around the town was annoying as it seemed the water droplets were half frozen and the ground was slippery with ice. Every exhale was visible in the cool air. Hopefully once the sun raises, at least the ice will be taken care of. He didn't fancy slipping off a branch and snapping his neck; and using chakra to stick to the trees those whole three days would be a pain.

He walked briskly and expected to be the first one there, so he was pleasantly surprised to see three figures huddled together by the gate, one easily recognizable as Morino Ibiki. They were chatting with the gate guard on duty, but as soon as Raido arrived they all stepped to meet him.

"Good morning." Raido gave a small wave with his glove covered hand, turning his attention to the two unknown shinobi. Ibiki helpfully shoved them both forward by their shoulders- and honestly what the fuck, they both put together had about half of the man's body mass.

"Mitarashi Anko, my student." Ibiki patted a shoulder of the girl, her purple hair poking from beneath a woollen hat. She was about as tall as Raido sitting down and looked like a wind would break her in half. She also gave him a sharp grin, more teeth in the gesture than completely necessary.

Then Ibiki shoved forward the guy, "And this is-"

"Shiranui Genma, yoroshiku." the guy drawled, his smile more a smirk, slightly tilted to one side and disfigured by a senbon sticking from between his lips. He looked even younger than Mitarashi, though Raido was glad to see he at least came almost up to his shoulders. Though he seemed just as thin, bones and skin. He was slightly hunched against the cold and his arms were wrapped around his jacket, hair covered by a thin bandana. Raido kind of dreaded that smirk already.

"Namiashi Radio. Pleased to meet you both." Raido replied politely, though his voice was a bit stiff. He hadn't expected half of their team to be made of children- in this kind of weather, they'll be lucky to get back with all their limbs intact.

As Ibiki ushered them all out of the city and lead them toward the beginning of a tree-tops path, Raido at least realized his bad feeling was starting to make sense.

* * *

Some six hours later, Raido heard the tell-tale sniffle again and he turned his head, staring. Genma was a leap behind him, still but he looked pale. His forehead was sweaty and there were red spots on his cheeks, "Are you _sick_?" he asked incredulously, because not only did they have two damn kids with them, but one of them was also sick. He was still harbouring hope that Genma was at least a Chuunin, but honestly, the running nose made him look like he was twelve at best.

"Just a cold." Genma answered sheepishly, still following behind from a branch to a branch with easy grace of someone comfortable in his skin. "Be fine come morning."

Raido would have loved to trust him on it, but he made a note to keep an eye on him, just in case.

Ibiki landed by them, changing positions with Anko that had been searching ahead, probably to have her try the rear-guard duties for a bit. In passing, the man gave them a searching look, "You're coming off a new batch?" he asked, obviously aiming the question at Genma, since Raido had no idea what that even meant.

"Kiri. It's the last one. I didn't expect the mission." Genma shrugged in an answer and Raido watched him grin around the senbon between his lips, teeth clicking against the metal. Ibiki nodded like that actually explained anything and patted Genma's thigh, ushering him forward to take over the front.

* * *

They travelled fast and by dawn they were at the borders. They would probably be able to get further, but this was the last semi-safe place they will encounter, the last place where they can actually start a fire. Raido signalled a stop at the base of small mountain complex, changing their path to where the forest gave into a clearing. The mountains offered cover from wind and rain and the woods were thick enough for their fire to not be easily visible. Of course, with how clear the night sky was, they were still taking chances about smoke and Raido was contemplating just giving up on the fire all together.

"Oh thanks fuck." Genma landed next to him and Raido saw him stumble, reaching a hand to steady him. It wasn't necessary, the kid finding his balance easily now when he got used to the stillness of the ground. Raido studied him for a bit longer, noting the exhaustion on his face, the subtle droop or his shoulders, the small shake of his long limbs. Fever, possibly. The cool air must feel like freezing to him.

Ibiki landed down as well and set down both his and Anko's backpack, the girl already carrying an armful of dry logs when she joined then. "We can't risk fire." Ibiki shook his head, saying the exact opposite of what Raido had been thinking; they had to risk a fire, they needed a fire.

"Hope you're ready for my cold feet, then." Genma reacted without as much as a second to think, that already somehow familiar grin overtaking his face. Raido hated himself for liking that grin, for wanting to swipe his thumb over it and find out if it felt as devious as it looked.

"We'll hunker down, keep warm through the night." Ibiki agreed with a slight shake of his head. He crouched down and picked up the logs, tossing them back towards the edge of the forest. Raido moved to help and so did Anko, but Genma just looked in on them with that slightly detached gaze of someone using all of his willpower not to keel over.

Once they were done Ibiki slipped off to check their surroundings, probably lay down some basic traps as well. Anko fished the blankets from her and Ibiki's backpacks, so Raido took that example, first guiding Genma to sit down. The kid felt way too warm under his palm, the subtle shake of his body all the more worrying.

"Hey, Shiranui." Anko called out towards them, crouched and spreading the blankets. Raido tossed her his own and Genma's, too, but didn't move away. It was both heaven and hell, just crouching down on the cool ground with a sick kid leaning more and more into his side. At her call Genma jerked up, putting more distance between them, and turned around to raise a questioning eyebrow at her. "You're not gonna throw up all over us, right?"

That was answered with a snort, "Nah. I'm not allowed to throw up anymore. You see, my old sensei forbid it after I ruined her favourite shoes." It was probably a joke and Anko actually did chuckle quietly, but Raido couldn't. He was more fixated on the off-hand mention of Genma's sensei- up till that point, if asked, he would have guessed Ibiki was the guy's teacher, but.. He couldn't even remember which one of the kunoichi had a team at the moment, to be honest. Kurenai, maybe? No, he didn't really think so. He felt a warm head lean against his shoulder and shook himself from the thoughts; now was not the time.

"Yeah, c'mon." Raido murmured, more for the sake of talking than anything else. Genma was really in no state to be going anywhere and Raido had to practically haul him up into standing position. Even then the kid stayed leaned into him, a line of heat against Raido's side and the faint smell of pine-trees, metal and sweat. Raido led him towards the make-shift bed and Genma let himself be guided to the middle, surprisingly pliant and unresisting. It should be worrying for someone with so much bite as Genma, but at the moment it was a blessing.

"'M fine." Genma smiled slightly and batted his hands away when Raido reached to help him unstrap his vest and yeah, that was probably over the top. Somehow Genma just woke up that instinct in him. Raido knelt back and watched as Genma did a quick work on the straps, shaking out of his vest to fold it under his head. "What is this, a strip show?" the kid grumbled and Raido took the hint, leaving him to it and stalking to the edge of their make-shift camp. He followed the chakra signature to know where Ibiki was, but couldn't even make out as much as a shape in the quickly falling darkness. Instead, he gathered some of the dried leaves and twigs, returning with an armful to dump it to the edge of the blankets. They will be covered from above by a convenient rock, but the wind was still chilly and unpleasant; he piled an armful after armful to the very edge, creating a small barrier between them and the elements.

"You're handy." Genma said after a moment and Raido startled, looking at him to smile into the gentle eyes. He hadn't realized he had been watched, not that he minded that much. Genma was still up, stripped into trousers and undershirt and a blanket wrapped around him. His hair was messy after he took off the bandana and it really shouldn't look so endearing. "Warm, too." the kid added with a slow grin, raising one meaningful eyebrow and yeah, Raido got that hint, too. But there was still work to do.

"I'll join you in a bit." he promised. It was the logical thing to do, too; he mostly stuck to fire, he ran warm even in the middle of winter. And if there was anything Genma desperately needed at the moment, it was a bit of warmth. "As soon as Morino gets back here. You should eat something."

Genma made a face, all scrunched nose and narrowed eyes, and Raido almost chuckled. "I won't perish until morning, Namiashi-san." he said in that warm, soft voice that felt like dripping honey and Raido almost melted on spot. He would cut off his arm and leg to hear him say his first name in that voice, but _god_, the kid was like twelve. Kami-sama, Raido was going insane, he honestly needed to get a grip and get it fast.

Instead of struggling to find some other words Raido stood up and went to get a bit more of the leaves, busying himself. Genma and Anko were whispering to each other and when Ibiki finally emerged from the forest, they were both stretched diagonally on the rest of the blankets, watching stars in the small space between rock and trees.

"First watch's mine." Morino announced, moving to fold himself down by the edge of their makeshift bed, in between them and the forest. "Namiashi, last one's yours. Get us up so we can start moving with dawn." Raido nodded his understanding, quickly stripping down to his undershirt as well.

When he looked up he saw Genma watching him, shuffled all the way under the slight cover of rocks; good against dew, rain and fog, but not very practical if he was prone to startling into sitting up. Raido decided not to say anything, instead making his way towards the two that were already ready to sleep.

At first he was about to stretch down next to Mitarashi, but then Genma leaned towards the girl, whispering, and she shuffled to make space in between them. Raido tried not to think about it too much, but he did wonder what had made her snicker like that.

"Here." Raido announced, the only warning before he dropped his vest onto Shiranui's head. The kid could use a bit more warmth, and at least he got to get away from Genma's intense eyes for a second.

The kid spluttered, but did stuff the fabric underneath himself to get another layer between him and the frozen ground. "Asshole." Genma muttered, that I-dare-you smirk gone from his face. Good, too, because Raido had no idea what he was daring him to do.. and yet, he was pretty sure he would have done it, no second thoughts. Raido climbed into the space freed for him and stretched on his back, but not before handing a protein bar to either of the kids. He unwrapped his own and ate it in two large bites, pocketing the wrapper.

"You really should eat that." Raido spoke up again after a moment, having seen Genma stuff the whole bar into his vest. The kid rolled onto his side and gave a small smile, way too close for Raido's heart not to skip a beat. After a full day of smirks and grins, the smile looked sweet and genuine.

"I'm not hungry, Namiashi-san." Genma answered just as quietly, inching even closer, no regard for Raido's existential crisis. It really shouldn't be that comfortable to have a leg thrown over his own, a forehead knocked against his shoulder.

Raido wracked his mind for something to change his mind, but it didn't matter that much if Genma just kept the food for the morning. He had a feeling the kid had a way of always getting what he wanted, too. The only logical thing to do would be.. to give in.

"Alright." Raido murmured, moving that one arm up a bit and then around Shiranui's narrow shoulders, drawing him into his bubble of warmth.

Genma shivered in an answer, cursing under his breath before he melted into his side, head finding its way onto Raido's shoulder. "You're really warm." he whispered, something like wonder in his voice.

That was good. He needed all the warmth he could get, even if Raido had his doubts about the kid's condition really being just a common cold. Just as he was about to reply in that sense, Ibiki's voice interrupted him,

"Enough chatter. We get up early, Shiranui shut your trap, you can flirt tomorrow."

Raido more felt than heard Genma laugh and then the kid shook his head, obviously swallowing a comment with sheer force of will. It was endearing and Raido hated himself for wanting to kiss the crown of his head.

* * *

It was probably around 2 in the morning when Anko woke him up from restless sleep with a palm on his shoulders. At first he couldn't quite place what was the weight on his chest, but then he looked down and found Genma's eyes, half open and looking at him. Raido automatically reached to push the kid's hair away from his face, noticing even in the poor light of the moon that his pupils were dilated. He was also shivering slightly, no matter that he was practically glued to Raido.

"Damn. Are you okay..?" he asked, moving to half sit up so he could see him better, but Genma just smiled and shifted off of him.

"Almost done with the being sick thing." he assured in a whisper, looking somewhere behind Raido's shoulder and- yeah, Raido had forgotten Anko was there. She probably hadn't woken him up just so they could both watch Genma sweat through a fever.

Raido shuffled out of the cocoon of the covers, his heart doing something complicated when Genma immediately moved onto the freed spot. God, what was he going to do about this thing?

Anko joined him and Ibiki to get some more rest as well and in under a minute her and Genma were tangled together, both probably seeking warmth and completely unbothered by lack of personal space.

That looked more like it should be; at least they were the same age. That thought didn't sooth him as much as he would have expected it to.

* * *

Raido finished his round and noiselessly returned to their spot, moving to sit down in the same spot Ibiki had, at first.

"C'mere instead." Genma whispered from somewhere behind him and at first Raido wanted to pretend he hadn't heard him, but.. Kami-sama, he was already wrapped around that tiny finger, wasn't he.

"How're you feeling, really." Raido whispered when he instead sat down by Genma's head, making sure to speak quiet enough to not wake either of the other two.

Genma decided to take it as an invitation and shuffled higher, pillowing his head on Raido's thigh. "Like I might throw up anyway." Genma answered with some amusement in his voice, only slightly ruined by the shakiness of it. Raido stroked a hand through his hair, wishing there was more he could do.

"You can lay down, if you don't fall asleep, can't you? Just for a minute.." the kid continued wheedling and Raido found himself powerless.

"I'll have to get up in a bit again, Genma." he said his token protest, even though he was already shifting to stretch next to him. Once again he tugged the kid close and once again his stupid heart clenched at the little shiver. He rubbed a soothing hand up and down Genma's spine and didn't even have to fight to stay awake; he was too busy cursing himself to even consider falling asleep.

Genma, it seemed, didn't share his issues and slowly fell into fitful sleep. His breath was too warm on Raido's neck and his body still gave the occasional shudder, but it was good that he got some sleep at last.

Half an hour passed way too quickly and Raido had to stop the soothing motion of his hand, gently moving Genma off of him. He wrapped the kid properly in his blanket and quietly stood up, needing to circle their camp to make sure all traps were still functional.

When he returned, Genma was awake and quiet, but it was obvious what he wanted just by the way his eyes followed every Raido's step. Just as wordlessly Raido climbed back in next to him and then they were flush together again.

* * *

It went like that the whole length of Raido's watch. He would try to get up without waking him and then come back to shiny brown eyes, waiting expectantly. At some point Genma finally stopped shivering and fell into deeper sleep, the tension from his shoulders evaporating completely.

Then dawn came way too early and their little bubble burst, revealing a whole world beyond the bundle of their blankets. Raido wasn't sure if he should thank the gods for that.. or curse them.

* * *

**Come yell at me.**

hint NR2: [this is not an age-difference kinda thing, Raido's just bad at guessing people's age]


	2. Chapter 2

**And on it goes. **

**Proud to say that I noted some progress- I am now good enough in English to recognize that my writing is terrible.**

* * *

The second day of their travel went almost the same as the first one, the morning dew having frozen into an annoying sheen on the ground and tree branches, making any movement an exercise in balance and chakra control.

They were moving faster today, though, and looking back Raido realized that Ibiki must have been keeping the pace slow enough so that Genma, sick as he had been, could easily keep up. And true to his word the young man was fully recovered come morning, if a bit tired from lack of sleep. There was nothing weird about noticing that, Raido had just been worried. For the kid's safety as well as for their mission.

And truly alright he seemed, at least those few moments when Raido actually saw him; from around nine in the morning up till the exact moment Genma had been tasked with scouting ahead while Raido took over the rear position. He was disappointed about it against his best intentions, logically it was a good thing that there was no ridiculously attractive _kid_ stealing his attention. It was wrong on so many levels that Raido's sight seemed to get magnetically drawn Genma-wards whenever he was around. That somehow even something as normal as breathing seemed interesting when Shiranui was the one doing it. Raido was pretty sure he had somehow managed to dig himself a hole during the night and was now making a home in it.

He skipped from a branch to the next one and let out a sigh, watching as his breath turned into icy mist right in front of his face. He really should have thought to bring a bandana to tie around his face, the cold was unpleasant when moving as fast as they were. Hell, he should have brought one to wrap around _ Genma's_ face, considering how much more vulnerable to sub zero temperature the guy was- and there his thoughts went again, in that dangerous direction.

* * *

Noon found them warmed up under the sun and they slowed down for few minutes, munching on their bars and switching around. Raido might have been content with his position, but he agreed that staying at the same position whole day would make him lose focus; by then they were in the enemy territory, few hours away from closest Konoha patrols. Losing focus could cost them dearly.

He lost what was left of his focus when he fell into pace next to Anko, Genma brushing past him on his way to the back. Raido's side felt on fire for the next half an hour, at least.

* * *

Ibiki signalled halt when the shadows were steadily growing longer and the sun turned dark orange above the horizon. They dropped to the ground and Raido took his position opposite of Genma, both keeping watch while Anko consulted their map.

"We're close." the girl said at last, tracing a finger over the rumpled paper. "Two miles that way, we should keep to ground."

"If they're there already." Ibiki countered, gazing the way Anko had motioned. Raido looked that way as well, but there was no smoke, no suspicious movement of the trees. The caravan should be in the general area, but it wasn't like they had access to more precise information. Out of all possible places close by, though, this particular one would be the easiest to secure for the night. Nudged in between thick forest and steep hill, the small clearing would be no problem to defend. Not that the caravan guards had any reason to be wary.

"I'll go see along the path, but we should wait till they settle for night." Genma piped up, suddenly materialising right next to Raido, that endearing perpetual grin chased away by thoughtful frown. Raido wanted to protest just for the sake of it, but he was an adult enough to realise that he shouldn't be stupid just to get those warm eyes back on him. It was enough that Genma was back to inching close to him, even now half way to leaning into Raido's side, no doubt drawn in by the warmth.

Focus. Raido was one of the brightest strategy minds of this time, he survived war, encounter with the Demon, he had been the Hokage's bodyguard. He could stop his mind from wandering.

"If Shiranui goes ahead, we all can get to the meeting point in the meantime." he said with a small frown, turning his head to look the way, as if that could help him visualise the area. "Waiting for them would be less risky than sneaking towards an established camp." And besides, the aimless lurking about was what usually drew troops into making mistakes. At least like this if theyhave something to do, they'll be more careful.

Ibiki took all two seconds to think about it and then nodded, giving them the go ahead. Anko quickly packed up the map and Genma hopped on spot, checking to make triple-sure none of his equipment crinkled. Of course it didn't, they would have already noticed if there had been anything loose, but it was good of him to be careful.

Right when Raido was turning around to wish the kid good luck there was the familiar swish of a blade cutting through air and Anko just barely dropped down, kunai vibrating in a tree where her head had just been.

Ibiki cursed under his breath and Genma immediately started the way it came from, incidentally in the direction of the place where they were supposed to be ambushing their target.

Raido took both their examples and cursed, following right after the kid. They both dropped to the ground when an explosion sounded somewhere in front of them, a wave of dirt and small pieces of wood rolling over their bodies like a particularly unpleasant blanket. The trees shook above them, but fortunately the explosion hadn't been strong enough to cut them down.

The dirt was worse, though. It got into his eyes and mouth because of course it did and he could do nothing but wait for the last wave to pass. Genma straightened up before him and helped him up, already taking off again while Raido was still busy blinking twigs out of his eyes. He was right, though. No matter what the source of that boom had been, they had no time to be getting shocked about it.

This time Raido took the scenic route, hopping up into the trees; Anko and Ibiki were steadily moving forward as well, just west from him, but by then they all knew where to go. The attack came from the caravan's supposed camp, so either their guards were more competent than expected and were actually expecting them, or this was someone else in what must have been the world's worst coincidence, ever.

Raido continued forward as he tried to puzzle that out as well as try to come up with some passable strategy, because just barging into an ambush like this was a suicide. Even though he couldn't see anyone through the trees, he could sense eight unfamiliar shinobi around and that was way too many for them.

He was just about to signal to the team that they should fall back from where they were all getting too close to the clearing when he saw Genma spring out of his cover and right into the open, half a second before the trees in question exploded in a flash of light, blinding them all minutely.

The enemy signatures were getting too close for comfort and he had to drop down to avoid a kunai, the whole clearing turned into a war zone in a matter of seconds.

Oh Kami-sama, oh no. No. Raido was cursing internally, counting the angles, contemplating the covers. He saw Ibiki go through hand signs faster than he had ever seen anyone, Anko was pulling kunai after kunai from both their pouches.

He couldn't think past the familiar voice, distant enough he couldn't recognize a word what Genma was saying.

There was a pause in the assault and he couldn't dare to waste any more time. Raido abandoned his own cover and skipped between the trees towards where he had last seen the kid. The ground was slippery and Raido went down with it, ending in a roll down the slight hill. A projectile just barely missed his head and then he made out a shape of Genma right next to him, gripping his shoulder to stop his tumble down. Raido braced his feet and struggled to stay on spot, halting himself with a grip on the guy's hip.

"Fuck. God, Shiranui, are you alright?" Raido asked urgently, hands already patting the kid down for any injuries and finding none, thanks all the deities.

"Broke my fucking ankle." Genma spat, annoyed, but didn't fight against Raido's roaming hands. He already had a full hand of his senbon and had probably been sneaking up to the edge of the hill, aiming to surprise their assailants from the side. Which.. good thinking, but Raido would rather have him very far away from the fight.

"Stay covered, I'll come get you once it's safe." Raido instructed, eyes moving down to see that Genma had already wrapped a piece of fabric over his ankle as a makeshift bandage to keep it tight. He smiled fondly, adding imagery to the flow of curses he had heard earlier. And Genma now was quiet and nodding his head in agreement, easily destroying the boulder of worry that had been resting on his shoulders.

A snap of a twig woke him up from his reverie and Raido tensed, coiled and ready to spring up and unleash fire at the enemy.

He didn't get the opportunity.

Genma sprung up far lighter than he had any right to with an injured ankle and Raido heard the silent swish of his needles flying, thud of them finding their target. The pained groan from the trees was satisfying, but then an enemy nin was countering the attack and _fuck_ fuckfuckfuckfuck, Raido scrambled up to his feet and barged into Genma's side, arm around his waist so he could put himself in between the kid and the projectiles.

The spin was short and graceful, Raido more feeling than seeing it when Genma used the trajectory to send his second handful of senbon right into the second nin. A crash and yell signalled that Ibiki and Anko had taken advantage of the chaos to take care of the remaining two and suddenly the forest was calm and quiet again.

Raido spun to face Genma properly, arm still thrown around him from before, "What the hell!" he ground out, scowling, "I told you to stay down!"

It probably didn't have much of an effect, because Genma was still grinning up at him all smug and frustrating, "I'm sorry, I thought you wanted them dead." he said, nor sounding sorry _ at_ _ all_ and then for some reason wound his arms around Raido's neck and his brain pretty much short-circuited.

They must have looked really strange at the moment, both dirty with mud and grass, Genma pale and smirking, Raido with his blank face and probably flushed neck. It took him embarrassingly long to connect the dots and then finally, finally it all clicked and he bend down, picking the kid up properly. He had somehow forgotten about the broken ankle, god, he was way too tired for this.

Genma didn't let go as Raido carried him back to the cover of trees, sitting him down on a log. He felt the weight of Genma's eyes on him, intense and burning, as Raido carefully pulled the kid's boot off and undid the bandaging. His ankle was red and swelling already and Raido hissed in sympathy; his assessment had been right, it was either broken or sprained pretty badly. Probably not helped by Genma putting his weight on it like an idiot. But Raido was an idiot too, because he should have expected him to do it. He should have stopped him.

"What's the verdict, Doctor?" Genma asked in that soft, warm voice of his, probably smiling as well, not that Raido had the courage to look up to check.

"They were bandits. Had the same goal as us, I think." Ibiki's bored drawl sounded from behind Raido, making him jump. Genma was suspiciously still, probably having known the Jounin was there from the beginning. He obviously thought it was funny not to share that piece of information, too. Raido glared at him, only getting a smug grin in an answer.

"They had the scroll?" Genma took his eyes away from Raido, finally letting him breath and move freely. He moved to sit in the grass next to him, rummaging around in his battered backpack to find a first-aid kit.

"Yeah. Guess the caravan's a bloody splotch somewhere South by now. Anko went to find it." Ibiki informed them, crouching down to inspect Genma's ankle as well. In true Ibiki fashion the inspection consisted of a low whistle and a poke to the swollen area, a smirk when the kid let out a broken off whine of pain.

Raido flicked his eyes at Ibiki, at the moment kind of wanting to strangle the man with the bandages he was sorting through. Maybe it had shown or maybe Ikibi had just been done torturing his teammate, because the guy stood back up and looked around. "We've gotta get as far away from here as we can." he said, voice gravelly and a scowl back on. "We can move for a bit, then break a camp. How far can you make it?"

"Not far. Even if we fix it, he can't put his wei-" Raido started, stilling with a roll of fabric based bandages in his hand.

"I asked him, Namiashi." Ibiki cut him off, voice sharp and yeah, okay, he did have a point. Be it anyone else, Raido wouldn't have said anything, but fucking hell, Genma was a kid. He shouldn't have been with them in the first place, even less so if he had been coming off of.. something. Last night had been bad enough and now the guy was exhausted _and_ injured, no one should ask him to push himself. He stayed put, though, watched as the two exchanged a look, some sort of quiet conversation happening.

"Far enough. You owe me a lunch when we get back." Genma said at last. Ibiki nodded and turned away, disappearing into the woods to take care of the bodies, probably. "Give me that." the kid said to him, snatching away the whole kit out of Raido's hand.

His grin was gone, lips twisted in a grim frown. Maybe from the pain or maybe Raido had overstepped a boundary or something, his fretting unwelcome. He swallowed back an apology that he wouldn't mean and instead watched the kid find a roll of compression bandage.

"I had worse." Genma spoke up quietly after what felt like centuries. The roll appeared right in front of Raido's face and he took it, looking up just in time to see Genma shift to face him, leg stretched forward in a quiet request. "Ibiki knows it, we worked together before." Raido noted the lack of any suffix and said exactly nothing, instead finding the edge of the bandage and starting to wrap it around the ankle. Tight enough, loose enough for two fingers to fit.

"You're good at that." Genma said again when Raido remained stubbornly quiet. "It's probably not broken, you know? I'll cool it and be right as rain."

Raido flicked his eyes up at him, "Come morning, huh?" he said sharply, quoting. "You say that often."

Genma chuckled quietly, but Raido was watching him and there was no mirth in his eyes, not even the usual muted amusement that said Genma was in on some sort of a secret joke. "Well, this one was an accident, I promise."

"The last one wasn't?" Raido snapped, finding it more and more difficult to reign in his anger. It was burning through his stomach and threatening to explode, fed by worry. Genma was looking back at him, cool and composed, like the fire couldn't touch him at all.

"You know it wasn't. Does it bother you?"

"Why doesn't it bother _ you_!" Raido exclaimed. He tied the bandage in place and sat back, running a hand over his face. "You.. what was it about, then? You were sick. Poison?" What other possibility was there, really? Genma hadn't been injured and it was no illness. But if he was filtering remains of some sort of a poison, he had no business being on a mission in the first place.

"Poison." Genma nodded still with that placid half smile on his face. "I was finishing a batch to build immunity when the summons came. I chose to finish it rather than have to start from a scratch."

"Fuck." Raido exclaimed, closing his eyes tight for a moment. Out of all the colossally stupid things to do..

When he opened his eyes again Genma was leaned forward and stuffing his foot into his boot, back to grinning even though it must have hurt like hell. What a stupid fucking idiot, Raido smiled fondly and didn't even bother pretending he wasn't watching him.

"Really though," Genma continued a conversation Raido had gotten lost in at least five minutes ago, "Don't do that ever again in front of Ibiki. He doesn't understand stuff like this."

Raido wasn't sure he understood, either, but.. he guessed there was a difference between needing someone to help and letting them help even though it wasn't necessary and maybe Genma just enjoyed being doted on from time to time. Or maybe he was just letting Raido filter some of his worry like that. Whichever it was didn't matter, because really, Genma could have easily done the bandages on his own.

"We'll see." Raido answered, standing up. "If I see you stumble once, you're done walking. Chakra aided or not."

Genma packed up the kit and tossed it into Raido's backpack with that secretive half smirk back where it belonged, driving everyone into distraction no doubt. "Guess now we know what you watch whole day long, hm?" he replied cheekily and there went Raido's hard won composure. He choked on a breath and didn't bother arguing.

* * *

Anko returned when the bodies were covered by dirt and leaves in Ibiki-made mass grave and the three of them were done munching on gross protein bars in companionable silence.

She gave her report to Ibiki in voice too quiet for Raido to catch and then they were moving again, keeping a steady pace.

Raido took Genma's backpack from him, glaring at the kid just in case he wanted to argue.

* * *

They didn't travel far at all in the end, just when the sun started to set Ibiki dropped to the ground. At first Raido wasn't sure why, the forest didn't seem in any way different from the rest of it and they were all doing good, but he wasn't about to complain.

"Still no for a fire, boss?" Anko piped up once she landed, looking around just as curiously as Raido had, before.

Ibiki flicked her forehead gently, making her grin all the wider and honestly, what the hell was wrong with kids these days. They had no sense of self preservation, neither of the two. "We're close enough to the borders to be relatively safe." Ibiki turned to all of them and even that was enough for Raido to narrow his eyes, having an inkling of where this was going. "Originally I wanted to send you two kids ahead, but you're not exactly fast right now, Shiranui. You and me are going to be the practice target. Namiashi, Anko will deliver the scroll safely home, you make sure to deliver her."

The dread spread through Raido's whole being like ice, but there was nothing much to say. He nodded. Anko pocketed the scroll, Raido gave Genma back his bag and tried not to feel like he was being torn apart.

Honestly, what the fuck. It shouldn't be possible to get so attached to anyone in two days time, no matter anything.

Genma didn't say anything either, though his eyes lingered on Raido while Raido pretended not to notice.

"Good luck." Anko broke the silence before they got back into the trees, continuing on the way home. When Raido looked back, Genma was still watching him.

* * *

**Talk at me.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I am not dead, but this site just might be, uf**

* * *

They made a good time, in the end. By dawn the trees around had turned familiar, the roads more travelled. It was a balm to Raido's soul, the sight of sun rising above Konoha's tower.

He squinted into the light and swallowed down the feeling that he was running away while others were in danger.

Anko was quiet as they slowed down and passed into the safety of the village, but she hadn't really spoken in the last few hours. He could see the exhaustion in the line of her shoulders.

At some point he had debated just slinging the girl over his shoulder, 'delivering', as requested, but she was making her stubborn way without a stumble and Raido had to admire that. What did he know, anyway, maybe she had already done much more difficult missions, lived through much more dangerous situations. Like Genma had, apparently.

"Mitarashi." Raido spoke finally when they pushed past a crowd of civilians, hurrying to work in the fields, shops.. The normalcy of it all hit him like a brick. Lack of sleep, ambush, slaughter, the mad race back home.. and nothing had changed, still the people went to the fair and argued about the shiniest apple.

Everything had changed, his world had turned upside down.. and yet everything was still the same. None of these people noticed the lack of warm, honey-brown eyes in the streets.

"I'm gonna give the scroll to Hokage-sama and you'll file the report?" Anko tossed her hair and raised an eyebrow, smirking at him without the slightest hitch in her step. He had to smile, honestly, there was no helping it.

"Exactly. I'll wait for you and walk you home." he offered.

They came to a stop where they will split their ways, a corner that to civilian wouldn't mean anything special, but every shinobi knew intimately.

"Nah. I can find my way." the girl refused the offer flatly and, just this once, Raido decided not to argue. The streets were busy enough, civilian and shinobi alike. Someone would notice if she couldn't make it. "Olly's at seven?" Anko added, her smirk briefly dropping into a smile that looked genuine and probably wasn't, anyway.

"Excuse me?" Raido had to blink at her few times, his tired brain taking too long to connect those dots.

That got him a chuckle and a shake of a head, her purple hair flying messily. "We meet for few drinks after missions. You should come too." Anko clarified.

Drinks. At first he stumbled over that, wanting to demand a promise that drinks didn't mean anything stronger than a limo, but they all knew he had no right. Shinobi were adults no matter their age, from the moment they got accepted to academy. It would be stupid if they were allowed to murder, but not to drink.

"Right. Seven." Raido repeated without making it a promise; first came sleep and then he will see if social interaction is something he would want.

"Great! Genma'll be happy to see you there!" Oh. Yeah, that. Raido hadn't thought about that. He hoped he managed to keep at least somewhat straight face, not that it mattered. In those few seconds of Raido searching for a reply, Anko had turned on her heel and was now striding up the stairs to finish their mission. He had forgotten that now Genma was a factor that he had to take into account. How fast had that happened- how had that happened? A day and he was powerless.

Dwelling on it was only making his head ache, anyway, so Raido gathered his wits and headed to deal with the worst part of any mission; reporting in.

* * *

Two hours later he peeled off his sweaty clothes, wincing when it seemed some parts of it got stuck to his skin by way of freezing to it. He worked his way through a canned soup and an apple, showered and face-planted into his bed.

Soft, warm, welcoming and so, so missed.. and yet. All of his limbs ached and his eyes burned, all of his body and mind screaming for rest, but he just couldn't stay still.

He rolled over to face the wall, closing his eyes for the millionth time while he couldn't remember ever opening them.

He rolled over, staring out of the window after five minutes. Here he was, clean and safe, warm, all of his little scratches and bruises cleaned and tended to.

Ibiki and Genma were creating a false trail through yet another freezing morning. Injured, tired. Alive, though. Even in a nightmare, he wouldn't allow himself to imagine the alternative. He moved to his back and counted the uneven bumps of his ceilings, finally resigned that sleep won't come any time soon.

* * *

He woke up disoriented when he slid off the bed to the ground, legs tangled in his blanket and gasping for breath. The fall was nothing graceful and he cursed when his knee bumped into the edge of the bed, finally shaking off the last threads of the dream.

Not a nightmare, he didn't usually have problems with those, but a mess of people and conversations, all blending smoothly from one to the other. He remembered running, searching, stumbling in darkness only to keep laughing at a story told by his friend, face he had never seen before.

Raido tried to recall a bit more than that but was unable to, so instead he did the wise thing and freed himself from his blanket. He was still a bit disoriented when he got up, swaying when he pulled on sweatpants. With a hand on his shirt he hesitated, eyes flicking towards the clock on the wall: six-twenty. In fourty minutes the three from his mission will be meeting in a pub and he could use the company to chase away the unease of his dream.

He carefully didn't dwell on the fact that only a third of the promised company was what put a smile on his face, but when he looked through a drawer, he picked the dark blue shirt.

* * *

Raido was his third beer in when he got the courage to ask Ibiki if Genma was going to join them after all, since so far it's been just them and Anko and Aoba with Mizuko. The three of them were trading stories in lazy drawl while Ibiki listened and Raido felt like a third wheel.

He knew he hadn't always been awkward around people, once upon a time he had been pretty outgoing. Back then he would have been dancing, maybe chatting up that pretty blond by the bar, but.. that was before the Kyuubi. Every shinobi got a scar of some sort from that day, but Raido couldn't help but be bitter over the fact that his own had to show.

"Kid's not coming tonight." Ibiki answered, drawing Raido out of his morbid thoughts and ultimately destroying what little was left of his good mood. "He dropped down like a baby, doubt he's getting up anytime soon."

Jesus, okay, that wasn't particularly unexpected, but it still rang few warning bells in Raido's head, "Is he alright? Did he get checked?" he demanded, furrowing his brows deeper when Ibiki just waved it off like a fucking _asshole_, seriously, did no one care about other people's wellbeing these days?

Ibiki snorted his version of laugh, watching him like he was an interesting bug crawling on a leaf. "Iruka's keeping an eye on him, don't pop a vein, Namiashi."

"Right." Raido returned, but he wasn't sure if that soothed his worry. For one, he didn't know who that was, and.. well, it honestly all ended with that particular problem and god, Raido had never thought he would be the borderline jealous type.

He turned his attention back to his glass and contemplated envy, the beer tasting like ash.

* * *

Next few days passed like early spring. He blinked and then it was a new week beginning. He got a quick mission that Monday, just to do something resembling work, trained his secondary element for a bit, got groceries and held his head low when passing the spots where shinobi liked to gather and gossip.

"-heard Namishai dyed his hair blue, nah, not on his head-" Raido choked on his breath and spun around, torn between furious and weirded the fuck out. He came face to face with laughing brown eyes, sweet like melting honey.

"Shiranui." he breathed the word out, still trying to make some sort of what the actual fuck. It would be too much to hope for his face still reflecting anger instead of puppy-like happiness at the sudden meeting.

"I did think that would get your attention." Genma said lightly, leaning his head back at the wall that he was sprawling against, body held open in a way that was borderline indecent. Raido kind of wanted to nudge his foot and see if he would overbalance, but he also really wanted to step in between his thighs, spread them wider apart and feel how thin the man's t-shirt was under his palms.

He stepped just close enough so they could talk comfortably, allowing only his eyes to roam over the slight body. Genma seemed much better, gone were the lines of exhaustion from his face, the dark circles under his eyes, the pinch of pain between his brows. He looked better and Raido resented that now he had to share that thought with the rest of the world. "Shouldn't you be working or something?" Raido raised both eyebrows at him, stuffing his hands into his pockets to stop himself from caging Genma in against the wall, just to cut him away from the laughing group of shinobi; his friends, no doubt, each of them much better suited to care about the kid than he was.

"I am." Genma answered in that lazy drawl that sent shivers on a hike up and down Raido's spine.

He forced himself to chuckle, shaking his head, "That's how spreading gossip is called these days..?"

"Gathering." Genma corrected him with a small smile, reaching up to push a strand of hair behind his ear. A flash of silver caught Raido's attention and he saw yet another senbon partially hidden by the man's hair, left there like a forgotten pencil.

"I'm pretty sure what I heard wasn't the gathering part." Raido reminded, voice dry and forced serious even when he wanted nothing more than to return the grin. It was nice to see the kid again.

Genma's grin widened and Raido felt like he had just fallen into a trap, even though there was no rational reason for the feeling. "It's not gossip if it's true." the kid said with his eyes narrowed in a dare, making Raido splutter for words.

"It's not true!" he protested, wide-eyed and staring at the smirk and the laughing eyes. Surely he couldn't mean.. there was no way the kid was nudging him into that particular direction.

And honestly, it would have worked, this careful way of railing him up. Few years ago he would have answered the dare with one of his own, he would have dragged a guy or a girl, who cared, somewhere private to prove that it was, in fact, baseless gossip. He would have taken that blatant invitation for what it was and leaned in to kiss the smirk away. Few years ago he would have, but then again, few years ago he hadn't had the brand of fire on his skin.

And also, honestly, what the hell, Genma was a /kid/.

The silence that he woke into from his slight daze was charged with something, but when he found the brown eyes, he saw the dare melt into disappointment, into a hint of sadness.

Whatever Genma had been looking for Raido had failed to give him, and wasn't that something to beat himself over on rainy days.

"No one else heard me anyway." the kid smiled, even pushing off the wall to arrange himself into something more suited for crowded streets. Raido appreciated that about as much as he didn't. "I should get back to it anyway. It was nice to see you again, Namiashi-san."

Raido had to smile back, helpless against the softness of these eyes. The moment was long gone and he was still reeling from it, his chest clenched. "Yeah, you too." he replied, meaning it from the bottom of his cursed heart. "I'll see you soon."

Genma reached for him, brushing his knuckles over Raido's jaw in a gesture so intimate he felt his face flush and then the kid was gone, easily weaving his way back into the group of his friends.

* * *

The soon came by far much sooner than Raido would have expected. He wouldn't admit it, but he had spent few hours trying to come up with a plan, brooding about the best possible way to bump into the young man again. The very next morning wasn't when he would have gone along with the plan, not wanting to come off as pushy, obsessive.

Yet.

Yet, the very next morning he opened the door of his flat, ready to head towards the Academy where he will pick Akumatsu-sensei's gennin team to train with them for a bit, and there Genma stood, smiling bright like the sun.

"Ibiki told me you were worried about me." Genma said in that soft, soft voice that could melt icebergs. Raido could only nod and take the coffee offered to him.

"He said someone's there with you." Raido answered, both explaining why he never hunted the kid down and bundled him in blankets no matter how much he had wanted to, and.. fishing a bit, maybe. His voice must have sounded more accusatory than intended, because Genma flashed him a strange look and huffed, more tired than amused.

"Hmm, yeah. Iruka lives there, more or less." he said quietly, explaining exactly nothing. Raido wasn't going to ask, though, even though his tongue burned with the question. "He's a kid," Genma continued and wasn't that just familiar. Raido wondered whether that kid was on Genma's mind just as often as Genma was on Raido's and almost blanched, stopping midstep down the stairs. He caught himself and continued, taking a sip of the lukewarm coffee. "Kyuubi orphan, one of many. He stays with me when he doesn't wanna be alone."

"Oh." There wasn't much to say to that. In the whole town there was no one who hadn't lost a dear person that day and.. he didn't know who Genma was mourning, but he understood how sharing the misery would help.

They walked quietly as Raido sorted through it and then he reached to squeeze the kid's shoulder, silent comfort that got him a sweet smile.

"So what's this," Raido asked after few more minutes, shaking the paper cup with the rest of his coffee, "A thanks for being a mother hen?"

"Or maybe I just wanted to buy you a coffee." Genma replied with a lopsided grin. Then the kid reached behind his ear and then his lips wrapped around his senbon and Raido had to look away.

"Thank you, then, I guess." he forced himself to say at last, looking away so his eyes wouldn't drift to red against steel.

"You're welcome, then, I guess." Genma replied, smile audible in his voice.

They walked in silence again, only broken by the clink of Genma's teeth against the senbon that Raido guessed was borne of a nervous habit. Some people fidgeted, some people rambled and Genma, it seemed, toyed with poisoned weapon in his mouth.

Raido didn't judge him, solely because he wasn't doing much better. What did people even talk about on occasion like this? It had been so easy before when they had the mission to concentrate on, or when the meeting was just a moment in an otherwise busy day. He bit his tongue before he could thank the kid for the coffee again.

"I've got a team to train." Raido managed, probably completely uselessly. If Genma already knew where he lived and how he liked his coffee, he no doubt already knew all about his timetable.

The kid just nodded, though, "I'll leave you to it. Same time tomorrow!" he exclaimed with a grin, not even having the courtesy to shape it like a question. Raido would have agreed anyway. This way he only got to wave goodbye as Genma disappeared in the direction of the Tower.

* * *

Same time tomorrow happened just as Raido half dreaded and half looked forward to. Then the next day and next day and soon it became a part of his daily routine.

Raido told Genma when he won't be able to make it and Genma warned him before any of his own missions, but once their jobs were done, there the kid was in front of his apartment, armed with coffee and a smile so sweet Raido had troubles breathing.

On Raido's birthday the kid brought him a potted plant to try and keep alive and Raido invited him in, making scrambled eggs for them both while they ignored their daily assignments.

Since then Genma stopped by every second or third day to water Mr. Banana, sometimes bringing breakfast and sometimes just expecting Raido to make it- which, of course he did. Of fucking course he did. Not only he got to make sure the kid was eating, but he was also slowly getting addicted to the appreciative hums when whatever food he made ended up tasting just right.

The awkwardness gradually lessened and then disappeared completely. Genma told him about Iruka and about his sisters that he had lost, Raido told him about how he had watched the Hokage sacrifice himself, unable to help. How he had failed. And.. and Genma had never offered platitudes, only company and acceptance.

In the privacy of his flat it never bothered him that he still didn't know where Genma lived, or that they didn't really meet outside of their established morning routine. Their friendship never felt fragile and the feeling of being the sole focus of someone as bright as Genma was like nothing he had ever felt before. And of course, the kid flirted like mad at times, sometimes making Raido laugh, sometimes he even played along. And so time passed.

* * *

**Timeskip of sorts and a stalemate. We all know the next one is gonna hurt**


	4. Chapter 4

**I did warn you. Angst and inappropriate use of genjutsu ahead.**

* * *

It was a strange mission, for lack of better words, strangest he had done in a pretty long time. For a B rank it seemed easy enough, the instructions clear and straightforward.

Out of five members of the team he had been chosen as the most sturdy so he got the dubious honour of being used as a lure. Henged as a middle aged, overweight dude he just sort of.. walked along the designed road, surrounded by two visible guards and two invisible ones in the trees. And a horse. The animal was keeping it's steady pace, weighed down by pouches and bags that were filled mostly by cloth and useless trinkets. None of those particularly mattered, he just needed to seem like a merchant carrying enough valuables to get ambushed.

Kurenai was one of the visible guards, armed by a scary looking naginata and walking a few steps ahead all the time. She was scary enough with the long weapon to seem believable, a good choice for the mission. It was just Raido's luck that Genma was the other one, walking way too close to his side and not at all caring about the weird looks Kurenai shot their way. How was it that five months ago he hadn't even know the kid existed and now they had yet another mission together? Out of all available shinobi, who on earth had looked at the list and thought Shiranui was a good choice? Raido liked him and enjoyed every single second they spent together, but this was also not the time and company for his existential crisis.

And more importantly, Raido was a bit weirded out by the way Genma kept brushing against his side with every second step, too. He had gotten used to the kid ignoring his personal bubble, but he hadn't expected that to happen when he was.. like this. Frankly, he looked like an old perverted jeezer, that illusion possibly only made worse by a handsome kid plastered to his side.

And yes, now that they were friends, he could call Genma handsome. At one memorable occasion he had even called him cute and didn't get skewered by a senbon for his trouble. If anything, Genma had looked pleased with it, so.. calling him handsome in the privacy of his mind wasn't that strange at all.

Those two in the trees were Asuma and Masako; both skilled shinobi and his friends. All in all this was a team he would have gone for if the choice had been his, he had actually finished plenty missions with those three, the only odd one being Genma.

They set out early in the morning when fog was still catching on grass, but the rising sun did a good job of warming them up. At first they talked about the mission, the expected weather, Genma with Kurenai even spared some time to poke fun of Raido's new looks, but the chatter died out early enough.

By noon all the trees seemed exactly the same to him and if he didn't have his pride to hold onto, he would be dragging his feet. Who knew the civilian way of travel was so damn boring, really? He longed to stretch his legs in a jog, cover the distance in a more normal time. This aimless walking felt too much like wasting time.

At one point Genma had enticed him into playing a word game, but Raido was pretty sure the kid was cheating at it. However, since he couldn't prove that none of the things mentioned were not, in fact, somewhere in the woods that surrounded them, instead of complaining he just gave up altogether.

"So, Genma-kun, how old are you..?" that was Kurenai, bless her all the deities, dropping into step by Raido's other side with the pretense of taking over the reins of the horse. Not only was her company a pleasant respite from the boredom, but she was also asking the question that he didn't dare. It may have been months but he had seen Genma laugh in people's faces for less personal questions, so Raido wisely decided to never pry.

Genma didn't look like he shared his joy with this particular line of questioning, though, because the look he shot her was downright nasty. "Why don't you guess, Kurenai-kun?" he shot back, voice pleasant even if the words weren't.

Before Raido could reprimand him, though, Kurenai hummed, seemingly unbothered by the choice of honorifics. "Sixteen?" she hazarded.

Raido would have guessed the same number, mostly because his initial joking estimation of twelve was.. exactly that, a joke. Genma lacked the softness of that age and he was borderline brutal during training sometimes, effectiveness born of experience.

He was utterly unprepared for the way the kid stumbled, turning his incredulous eyes their way, "What? Are you serious..?" his eyes pierced Raido's and he offered a grimace and a shrug, alibismus at it's best. Genma seemed to take it as a sign that Raido agreed with his shock, so at least he got to escape the kid's annoyance unscathed. "No. Not even close."

With that Genma shot her another cool look and snatched the naginata, striding forward to walk ahead of them. His shoulders were a tense line of anger and normally Raido would play the mediator, or at least try to sooth whatever ruffled feathers there were to be soothed, but now they had a mission to focus on.

And also, maybe he was still reeling from the answer as well. It was difficult to ignore the immediate self hatred whenever a less than pure thought flashed through his mind, but through the months he had learned to deal with it. He had figured early on that that was just the way Genma communicated and that there was no stopping him. But during all that time he had thought Genma was.. older than 'not even close' to sixteen. He had thought that just a few more years of surviving their friendship and he would be able to relax into Genma's customary hug-goodbye. Without feeling like an old, perverted jeezer.

Well, fuck.

Kurenai shot him a look of badly hidden disgust and yes, he deserved that one. Even if he had never taken advantage of Genma's many /many/ invitations, he still felt his heart squeezing painfully with guilt.

* * *

The expected ambush didn't come that morning and they briefly rested on spot to make a big show of eating lunch.

* * *

The ambush didn't come during that, either, and when Genma plopped down to recline too close next to him, Raido stood up and found a different place to sit.

They packed back up the very few things they had unpacked. Genma tried to talk to him and Raido brushed him off, instead walking to chat quietly with Kurenai.

The rest of the afternoon he pretended he couldn't feel the eyes on him, wounded and confused. And fuck his own stupid heart, because every time he caught a sight of them anyway, sweet honey dulled by bewildered fear, his chest squeezed tight and every breath was a struggle.

* * *

When the ambush finally came, it was a relief.

Strange thing to think as he ducked under a kunai, but at least Genma was no longer staring at him like that, not when they both had too much to do.

Raido stayed on the path while both Kurenai and Genma ducked in between trees, Kurenai holding shields around him while Raido raised fire, a wide spread attack to take out those that weren't careful. In a blink of an eye the whole road got swallowed by the flames, kept carefully away from the edges of the woods, but otherwise left untamed.

It felt good to let some of his anger burn out like that, if only for a minute or so before he slowly let the fire calm.

'SEVEN MORE' appeared written in front of him when Kurenai stretched her genjutsu around them all. The blood red letters wavered and red tendrils spread in seven directions, helpfully pointing them in the right directions; two shinobi were just few steps away in the forest, covered behind a fallen tree, one was further behind them. The four remaining were on the other side of the road, separated.

"Asuma and Shiranui're heading south," came a soft female voice to Raido's left and he let out a breath, slowly allowing most of the flames to die out, leaving just enough to add to the general chaos around. "Kurenai's keeping them all in the dark, for long enough hopefully."

"I'll take the two, continue towards the last one." Raido answered her, nodding towards the northern forest. Masako darted ahead and disappeared with a flick of silver, so Raido took the hint and pulled out his tantō as well.

He stepped into the trees quietly, every noise drowned by the sound of the remaining flames, but briskly enough. If he found them fast, if he dealt with them quickly, he would be able to go help on the other side.

The tantō felt strange in his hand, half of his mind on their last fight together- of Genma hurting his ankle and what followed, the cold dread when Raido watched him get injured, the sweet, sweet relief when he had him mostly in tact under his palms.

If anything happened to him- god, if he got hurt again..

Raido swore and pushed forward, low bush tangling into his legs and the thorns scratching his skin even through his trousers, but that barely even registered.

What caught his attention was the out of place sound of scratching, something against rough bark of a tree, too rhythmical to be coincidental. He followed the sound, noiselessly across the soft forest ground.

Just a few more steps that he moved from a cover of a tree to another, even though he knew it was probably unnecessary. All of the enemy nin should be under Kurenai's genjutsu- during the time Raido had known her, he had never seen the illusion fail its purpose.

This particular shinobi was under influence, when Raido found him. The man was there, clad in dark brown-green clothes, crouched in between spidery roots of an old tree. At first Raido only saw a part of him but when he got closer, he noticed the unfocused look of his eyes, the slackness to his mouth and _god_, Kurenai really wasn't pulling her punches this day, either.

Raido dropped down and snapped his neck, before the man could lose any more nails in the unforgiving wood of the root that he had been clawing at.

Almost immediately after a blood red arrow appeared out of thin air right in front of him, guiding him forward. Like so many times before, he thought that perhaps he should mind this, having the gentle genjutsu bending his reality like that, moreso after seeing the state their enemy had been in; but he didn't. Not only was this making their whole job so much easier, but he also just simply, easily trusted Kurenai.

His second mark was dead before Raido could reach him, having been taking the whole 'escaping the genjutsu' attempt a bit too literally. All Raido saw was a burly man struggling to shake off of himself whatever he was seeing, making his unsteady way right off of a cliff.

It was making their job easily, yes, but somehow Raido always needed a second to shake off the uneasy feeling. They were shinobi and victory was necessary, no matter the path to it.

* * *

When he returned to the road, the rest of the team was already there. Kurenai seemed exhausted but pretty content with her slump against Asuma's side, Masako had a slight green hue on her cheeks and Genma was standing a bit aside, watching them all with a look on his face that Raido didn't like one bit. Separate, contemplative. It was a look of a person who was gathering information for later use, his eyes were cool and contemplative, lacking their usual warmth.

"Good job, people." Raido said softly and then for a second that calculating look was turned his way and the uneasy feeling from before was back, tenfold. For the first time since he had met the kid, he truly saw a shinobi in him. At the moment Genma wasn't there as Raido's friend, not even as a member of a team; he was there to evaluate the team, to store all of their weak spots so he knew where to stab. The clarity that Genma wouldn't think twice about going for the kill if the orders came made Raido sick from the stomach.

The moment passed within a second, but the cold remained.

"That was handy." Genma commented lightly to Kurenai as he moved past the two, carelessly walking right through the dying fires on the road. He looked like he couldn't even feel the heat, or worse, like he didn't dare show the weakness. There, he crouched down to make sure the fallen nin was really dead.

Raido should have thought to do it, but instead he watched the slight figure repeat the check with all four of the corpses and the time ticked but it felt like the world was still.

"So you're keeping the face? Like it too much, huh?" Asuma's words startled him and only then did Raido realize that he still had the henge over him. He cursed and dropped it. Masako and Kurenai laughed and Raido's stomach dropped further towards the ground when his kid didn't even look his way.

* * *

The strange tension stayed with them even as they gathered their stuff and recaptured their runaway horse. Genma and Masako made a detour over the nin once again, searching the bodies for any clue as to where they came from. The gathered trinkets seemed like a load of crap to Raido, but maybe Morino's people would be able to get something from it.

Asuma volunteered before Raido could, to take the long way home with tired Kurenai and the horse. It would be slow and long, but Raido still felt like that would be more pleasant than dealing with whatever it was that was happening with Genma.

Raido and Masako split their hoard between them while Shiranui watched. The young male didn't join in even when they took off, traveling next to them instead of with- either waiting for Raido to issue a spot to him or just taunting him for the inability to do so.

And like that it went, minutes turned into an hour and before long they were by Konoha gates. They had been close enough the whole time, it seemed, or Raido had just been pushing the pace too much.

Genma was gone in thin air before Raido could make a second step into the village, without a goodbye.

* * *

Raido talked to Masako to make sure she was fine. He talked to Morino, bringing him all the useless things they had gathered. He talked to Shikaku when he met him and then checked up with Asuma and Kurenai when they got back.

* * *

It didn't occur to him, until he was back home and staring at his potted plant, that he had been expecting Genma to pop-up next to him like he usually did, demanding attention with a shit-eating grin.


	5. Chapter 5

**Healing comes in many forms.**

* * *

Raido remembered many times when he just stopped in his tracks and wished for a bit of quiet to his life. Peace and space, respite from people demanding information, answers, amusement.

Up till now it never occurred to him just how empty the peace could feel.

The realization came with too many pancakes for his breakfast, with forgetting to get a coffee in the morning, with seeing the leaves of his banana plant droop.

Raido felt a bit like that plant, too. Drooping. Not enough water, sun, love. It felt a lot like the plant hated him now, refusing to get better no matter how much he watered it or stroked its spotty leaves like he had seen Genma do so many times. It was because it knew this whole thing was Raido's fault.

Whatever it was that had finally pushed the kid away, it was something Raido had done. Perhaps Genma had just finally tired of chasing after him and offering enough words on his own to sustain a whole conversation on those days when Raido didn't want to speak. Or perhaps he had seen the wariness in Raido's eyes during their last mission together - last, for ever maybe - and mistook it for fear. Or he noticed the shock and took it for disgust, not understanding that Radio wasn't angry at him for being a killer, but at the world for making him so. Raido was one, too, but he wasn't a _child_.

* * *

Raido went on a mission with Anko and young Hatake, in no hurry to finish it now that there was nothing waiting for him back home.

* * *

It took him way too long, namely a whole week, before he figured that the easiest way to get that little piece of happiness back into his life was to apologize.

* * *

He spent a whole day teaching academy brats wall-walk, catching them when they fell.

* * *

Surely Genma wouldn't shove him down the stairs for trying to explain. No, Genma wasn't like that. Or was he, though? The previous months, the period of time that felt both like a century and like a fleeting second, he had only seen what Genma had shown him. He had seen the light side of the kid, the carer and joker and a flirt.

Up till the mission he hadn't seen the shinobi and hadn't looked for it; his own fault. Out of all flaws, Raido never thought he would develop naivety.

But still, Genma would listen to him even if it was purely for the reason of having Raido show a weakness.

* * *

Raido left to deliver a scroll to a village close to the south boards, he returned back and everything was still the same.

* * *

With the realization that Genma had gone to such great lengths just to have Raido dismiss him, many, many times, that he might actually even appreciate Raido returning the favour and going to him for a change, came the thought that.. the biggest obstacle Raido had wasn't even the kid.

It was his own pride.

* * *

Raido took an S mission just to get out of the stifling heat of the village, returning a week later to realize that it has been over a month.

* * *

He didn't know where Genma lived so he couldn't very well go find him-

-but he knew where the kid worked, all the haunts where he hoarded gossip for Hokage's inscrutable reasons.

And maybe Genma didn't even want to see him. Maybe not ever again-

-but Raido could survive the rejection. He owed the kid enough, he could bite his tongue and suffer through a 'no'.

So what if Genma didn't care for an apology? Perhaps he wouldn't even accept it-

-but this wasn't _supposed _to be for Raido's peace of mind. If him saying the words would take off at least a bit of the weight of the world from the kid's shoulders, then it would be a success.

It was easier said than done, though, sometimes.

* * *

Raido spent the whole day babysitting a gennin team, following them around Konoha while they walked dogs and chased cats. Afterwards he stayed perched on the Hokage monument, seeking elevation like that could help him sort through his issues easier.

* * *

It was with the memory of Genma's laugh, the one that started with a startled snort and ended with the kid tossing his head back and giggling helplessly, eyes wide, that Raido lost track of time. The sun set and the streets emptied, the air was thick and sweet with summer night and he remembered the soft smile that he saw when he looked up from a book, finding Genma watching him.

There was a motion to his left and he jerked, the sudden appearance not accompanied by any sound at all.

"Lost in thoughts..?" came the soft, honey sweet voice that had been missing from his life for so long and- what? What?

"Genma!" Raido swiveled his head to stare at him and then did a double take- the kid looked terrible.

He was pale even in the poor light, his skin stretched tight over his cheekbones, eyes sunken like he hadn't slept in _weeks_.

Raido's hand shot forward and it hovered there, sort of fluttering just short of touching. The whole left side of Genma's face was yellow and blue, a healing bruise.

None of that stopped the kid from grinning at him and _god_, it really shouldn't look as good as it did. A wrecked beauty, sun shining at burnt ground.

Fingers wrapped around his hand and guided it to frame a hot cheek, it couldn't be comfortable, the warmth of his palm on the bruise.

"Yeah, it was _supposed _to be an easy one." the kid said and Raido's world just sort of.. shifted. Like he had just turned a line of Rubik's cube and suddenly it was a completely different shape.

"You were on a mission?" Raido blurted out before he could think twice about it. Instead of anger or that ice Raido had been having nightmares about for the past weeks, Genma's eyes only showed bewilderment. The fingers around Raido's hand squeezed and let go and god, god godgod, he was still a coward and let his arm drop.

"Yes..? We haven't talked in ages." Genma's voice was warm and teasing and that was so wrong; a month ago Raido had gotten to see behind his masks and now he knew better. Now he noticed the strain around his eyes and knew that the kid was hiding something. Vulnerability, probably.

Raido wanted it, he wanted all of Genma's weaknesses, all of his flaws and his whole pain. "I know that," he said immediately and even rolled his eyes, quick enough to hopefully chase away whatever shadow he had painted. "I just didn't know that you were away."

Alright yes, that didn't sound any better and he didn't need Genma's raised eyebrow to bring that point home.

Before the kid could interrupt or Raido could lose his courage, he continued: "I thought you were angry at me." There it was, the whole issue summarised. For how huge it had seemed, threatening to swallow Raido's world, now spoken aloud it seemed tiny enough to fit into his hand.

They were both quiet for a moment, Genma possibly thinking, calculating, Raido just.. dreading.

"You thought I was angry at you." Genma finally spoke up in a quiet voice, almost inaudible but so perfectly even and controlled that Raido wanted to call bullshit, wanted to shake the kid and scream in his face to _stop it! Stop playing and just fucking _show _him what he felt!_ He had no right, though. Already Genma had fearlessly showed him one piece of his heart and Raido failed to answer; he wasn't owed honesty until he learnt how to give it, too.

"Yes." he agreed just as quietly, chancing a look at the kid's face, even if it meant finding accusation and disappointment in his eyes. He needn't have worried, Genma wasn't even looking his way. "I was.. trying to find a way to apologise and I was just.." Raido swallowed, giving a mirthless chuckle, "I'm sorry."

"No, that's.. that's okay." Genma said and they both knew it was a lie, but which of them was brave enough to call it? Certainly not Raido. "A month."

Raido felt like cursing or crying- no, he felt like Genma should be cursing or crying. "I thought you were done with me, after the mission." he admitted at last.

That, finally, was enough for Genma to turn his head, eyes boring into Raido's. Whatever he was looking for in them, Raido hoped Genma could find. "Not yet, it seems." the kid said, softly.

"That's fair." Raido nodded his head slowly. The forgiveness was a gift, it seemed. A blessing, maybe. He raised his hand again and gently stroked his knuckles over the swollen skin of Genma's cheek, the kid's breath stuttered and his eyes fluttered closed and suddenly Raido's heart was beating way too fast in his chest, like it was trying to hammer its way out. "I'm glad you're home, Gen."

* * *

Later, he laid on his back in his bed and replayed that moment over and over again.

How Genma had looked at him through his lashes and how Raido had tilted his head closer, how Genma's lips turned up in a sad smile when the kid pulled back.

How he had squeezed the too thin shoulder afterwards and they both got up, how Genma had let him walk him home, how the kid stumbled and leaned into his side out of sheer exhaustion.

How Raido had stood there on the street until the window above turned dark and then some.

Later, he laid on his back and stared at the ceiling and realized that they hadn't really talked about anything at all.

* * *

Genma didn't seem to share his doubts about anything, back to his cheeky grins right the next morning. The left side of his face was still tender and way too colourful and the kid was refusing to wear anything that wouldn't cover him down to his wrists and ankles, but otherwise it seemed they were.. fine.

"Good morning." Raido told the cup of coffee that was getting shoved into his face, more assuming than seeing the presence of his kid behind it.

"Sure." Genma agreed easily and sidestepped him into Raido's apartment and okay, fine, it wasn't like he had any plans that he couldn't cancel.

Raido flailed in the doorway for a bit and when he turned to go back in, Genma was already barefoot and inspecting Raido's plant.

"Ugh." Raido explained eloquently, really deserving that cutting look that he got for it. "I think it missed you, too."

That was the right thing to say, because instead of poking mournfully at the limp leaves Genma turned to give him one of those sweet smiles that warmed up his eyes, making them seem like amber in sunlight. "Of course that's the reason," the kid grinned, eyes crinkling, "And not the ocean worth of water that you decided to leave it standing in. How about I save Mr. Banana and you feed me..?"

Well, that sounded like a good enough battle plan.

* * *

The next day his plant already looked so much better and Raido felt lighter, feeling like he could finally breathe free.

* * *

**Come yell at me.**


End file.
